White Supremacy isn’t a spiritual path and shouldn’t be part of one.

Posted Leave a commentPosted in New Age Wank

Where to begin with the White Women of New Age Wank and their continuous parade of White Supremacy fuckery?

I don’t know. It’s a huge problem, but not a new one.

Thanks to White Supremacy nonsense, WW (No, not Wonder Woman) can strip away the meat of any spiritual practice belonging to POC (people of color) and regurgitate empty spiritual calories for mass consumption.  We devour it in hopes of filling our souls.

And when we are left hungry and wanting, we believe the story that it is our fault. That we weren’t High Vibe enough. That we manifested our starvation. So we buy more. Flock to the next wealthy WW that promises to satiate us.

Why? Is it because we are told they are what success looks like? I think so.

They tell us, they can teach us how to be wealthy and happy, just like them. They don’t tell you they were already wealthy when they started their journey to success.

The deck stacked against you? Well, you chose to stack it that way.

What total fucking nonsense.

While I might not personally be to blame for White Supremacy existing in the world, it is my responsibility to work to end it. You might be wondering what this has to do with the patriarchal fuckery I normally write about. The Patriarchy & White Supremacy are besties. They support and uphold each other. They both need to fucking go.

There has been a lot more attention being put on WW of NAW (White Women of New Age Wank) and the harmful spiritual bypassing, cultural appropriation, and racist shit they peddle.  These women are getting free emotional labor and education from POC. Then they do a Basic White Bitch move and play the victim. They were attacked. They were hurt. Why are POC so mean? Poor me.  They erase the words of wisdom POC shared with them, move on to the next bit of POC culture they can bleach out and sell.  Fuck that shit.

It isn’t POC’s job to fix this shit. They are not required to put their hurts aside to coddle and heal us. That is our fucking responsibility. Not the coddling. I don’t fucking coddle.

If you aren’t sure if your work is harmful to POC or any minority group of people, it doesn’t matter if that was your intention or not, HIRE a POC or whomever you need to and get educated. Get it fixed.

Edited to add:

Check out this far less ranty post by Camille Williams. She includes a great list of resources at the end too.

When Spiritual Bypassing meets racism meets gaslighting

 

Hera: Queen of Sexual Assualt Victims

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Goddesses

Hera.

I’ve been struggling with what to say about her. In many of the stories about her, she is jealous and vindictive. How many times did she try and kill Hercules?
She is the protector of women, but not those slutty ones who get assaulted by her husband or piss her off. The perfect patriarchal wife.
 
As the wife of an abusive womanizer she gives us a clear understanding of how wives should keep their place.  Hera is always taking her anger at Zeus out on the women he has assaulted and their children.

This is one of the ways the patriarchy uses women to keep other women in their place. If we are busy fighting with each other we won’t be able to do anything about the patriarchy.

It also helps us learn that men don’t need to take responsibility for their actions. It promotes rape culture and victim blaming.

Hera herself is one of Zeus’s victims. She only agrees to marry him out of shame after he tricks her and takes advantage of her.  She becomes part of his cycle of abuse.

Does her story sound familiar? It should. The stories of women being bound to the men that abuse them. Then helping in continuing that abuse is completely normal.  It’s hard to see the cycle as anything but normal. It makes it harder to break.
 
There is no healing in this story. Even a powerful goddess like Hera is powerless to resist the patriarchal order. Or so they want you to believe. The patriarchy couldn’t have Hera standing in her own power or showing other victims how to do the same. Better to have her teaching women to be ashamed and fear punishment for the actions of men.
 
Hera’s story is a cautionary tale of what happens when we don’t support each other and heal. We become part of the patriarchy’s continued abuse. Hera’s caring nature was used against her. That caring nature becomes a weakness, a danger and something to be avoided at all costs. This is part of what the patriarchy does to women and men. It finds ways to twist our strengths. It lies and tells us that these strengths are flaws.
 
Her story is a reminder that no matter who we are or how strong we are or whatever, anyone can be a victim of sexual assault. It’s not because we are weak or deserve it. Her story is our story. It’s the story of what happens when we support what oppresses us.
 
She is waiting for us to see her and hear her #MeToo. 

 

Nothing says sexy like human trafficking

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Romantic Fictions

One of the most disturbing trends in romance/erotica to me, is abduction. Not the role playing between consenting adults either.

To be honest, I haven’t actually been able to finish one of these stories. They are so fucked up. They seem to be popping up more and more in paranormal romances. I’m not sure how often this theme shows up in other genres.

The theme goes like this:

Woman is abducted, forcefully taken somewhere against her will.

The abductor, whether he’s done the deed himself or hired someone, is in need of a mate and can only accomplish this by stealing a woman.

The woman is scared/angry and not having any of it, at first.

Then by magical means, drugs/spells/potions, mind control or simply wearing her down with his extremely hot body & non stop advances, she falls madly in love with him/his unbelievable hotness.

I have such a hard time with this being a thing being sold to women as hot romance.

You were abducted? Who fucking cares, the dude is hot and has an epic dick. Still not into? We have ways around that. Drugs and/or mind control will loosen that pussy right up. Seriously, he’s really a nice guy with super cock. Everyone knows, a guy can do anything he wants to a woman if he has a super cock. Even if it’s only super in his own mind. 

Let’s be clear on what these stories are saying.

It’s ok if he’s been mean to you, taken you against your will, drugs and manipulates you, and cut you off from your family and friends. This is hot, sexy, and the only way you’ll find love, loser.

This ‘harmless’ bit of fantasy, grooms us and prepares us for abuse in real life. It teaches us that this is what it is to be desired and loved. It reinforces negative gender roles.

One of the reasons women read romance and erotica is for the fantasy of a perfect man. What does that say about us and our society when that perfect man is an abuser wrapped up as hot sex machine?

Is it ok for your man to drug you if he fucks your brains out afterward?

Is it ok that he cuts you off from family and friends if he eats pussy like a god?

What if he hits you?

What about the moment he goes too far and you end up dead? That’s what love is right?

In fiction these abductors always turn out to be great guys that just had some bad luck meeting women or are also being forced against their will to follow tradition. It’s a nice cop out. It let’s them off the hook for their abusive behavior.

You know we’re not supposed to hold abusers responsible for their actions, right? (WRONG!) It let’s them be abuser & savior at the same time. Win for asshole dudes everywhere!

 

Love Bites: Physically harming to mark women as property

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Romantic Fictions

There is a lot of biting going on in romance/erotica. Mainly in werewolf/vampire stories. It’s not what I would call ‘fun biting’ either. It’s a nip that brands the women in these stories as property of the men.

The idea of being owned as a piece of property is really disturbing to me and not at all romantic or sexy.

The women are usually forced into being bitten/claimed/owned by some life threatening or awful circumstance. She may agree to the biting, but it is a decision made under duress when she is given very little choice. Women being put in positions where we are forced to go along with what a man wants out of fear isn’t a hot fantasy. It is reality. A reality in which a woman can be seriously harmed by men for not going along with their wants. When it shows up in romantic fiction it helps to normalize men’s harmful behaviors.

The men doing the biting are portrayed as the nice/good guy, doing all he can to save the damsel in distress. In many stories the events that lead to the biting are the result of his own actions.

His asshat or careless behavior has contributed to what is going on, but the woman is the paying the price. She is a pawn in whatever family/clan/gang/whatever bullshit he has going on.

These stories reinforce the patriarchal teachings that women are property of men, that we have no choices of our own, that we as ‘good girls’ must let the men handle things in whatever way they see fit.

We are props in their lives. Tools for them to use.

Sometimes, the women choose to be claimed in the heat of passion, usually without a full understanding of what being owned entails. She gives into her body’s desires and forgets to use her brain. We all know that when a hot guy is horny for you, no matter how big of a jerk he is, your body wants him and you have no choice but to go with it. Right? Sex doesn’t equal ownership. Let me repeat that, having sex with someone doesn’t mean they own you or have any claim over you.

This is another sneaky way we are taught to not listen to our better judgment. If a man is good looking, how big of an asshole he is doesn’t matter. Maybe there is something ‘wrong’ with the woman. Like she is ‘curvy’ or has opinions. If you are anything other than the standard of perfection, you should be thankful that this totally fly jack wagon is paying any attention to you at all.

Our idea of what is romantic and sexy is twisted. I’m not talking about people who love being bitten or being the ones doing the biting during sex. The biting going on in these stories isn’t about pleasure. It’s about keeping women in their place.

It’s fantasy being used to keep us chained to a reality where women are disposable pieces of property.

And I don’t even rant on the fuckery with the title

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Romantic Fictions

This bit of romantic fiction has a lot going on with slut shaming, body shaming and nice guy hero worship that I had a hard time picking one trope to focus on.  I think that is true of a lot of romance novels. I read a fuck ton of them, so I should know.

The MC is young and ‘curvy’. Curvy is a level of fat that isn’t fat at all. Curvy women have big boobs and nice asses. We know it’s ok to be fat if you are hourglass shaped.   This is supposed to be body positive, but falls short. She goes to great lengths to hide those curves the author spends so much page space telling us about.

The ‘thug’ in this story is a rich white dude who has the privilege to chose to slum it to avoid is jerk family. Nice twist on Cinderella. Not. 

She is ashamed of her body. She does her best to hide and keep covered up all in a fat shame/ slut shame way. Her body only becomes ok after a man approves of it and takes ownership of it.

The slut shaming is a little less obvious. She is a virgin (nothing wrong with that). Until you get to the sex=marriage. Good girls do not sleep around. They get married and only have sex with one man. To be clear, I don’t have any problem with having sex with one person. I do have a problem with the slut shaming and stupid ass rules for women’s sex lives.

 

This story is  about a girl who has some bad shit happen to her, but she grows up to be independent and takes care of herself. Hell, she has a ‘dangerous man job’ and goes into seedy parts of town all on her own.

Badass right? Not too badass. She still needs a man.

It’s not safe for women to be out alone. The story is quick to remind us women the world isn’t safe for us.  She shouldn’t be wandering around without a man to protect her no matter how not slutty she is dressed. To prove this point she is attacked.

Violence against women is an overplayed trope used to give men the chance to prove they are good and to remind us that we need them to keep us safe.

She doesn’t recognize her savior as the man she is looking for, because of beards. Beards work like Wonder Woman/Supergirl/Superman glasses. You put a beard on and no one knows who the fuck you are.

He recognizes her as a girl from school, because she doesn’t have a beard. Just a trench coat, that she’s stuffed her secret hotness into like a brown paper bag.

He tells her has info on the guy she is looking for and she should come back to his place. I don’t know why he can’t simply introduce himself. She’s smart. She hesitates. Then gets over it. It’s totally ok to go home with the stranger who just saved your ass, even if he looks like he has bodies hidden in his beard.

Whenever a man rescues you, you must instantly trust him 100%. Plus have sex with him.

They go to his creepy dumpy apartment where she realizes this is the man she’s been hired to find, one she knew in high school. Oh the embarrassment of being a fatty in front of your high school crush! (Another reminder that she isn’t a slut. She’s been jonesing for one dude.)

He doesn’t care though. She’s got a cute face. Thank the gods for pretty faces or us fatties would never get laid!

She is still nervous. Maybe she should leave. Nope it’s fucking raining. When it is raining you have to stay where you are, even if you could be in mortal danger. Women can’t get rained on. We’ll melt like witches or multiply like Gremlins. Bad business all around.

He starts undressing for no reason other than to continue to be creepy, even though the author keeps telling us he is a nice guy. It’s ok for dudes to do creepy shady shit if they are Nice Guys.

She doesn’t watch. She is a lady. Not a whore.

It turns out, he needed to change his clothes so she could be totally certain it’s highschool jock boy or some shit. Men all look the same with their clothes on. Or something. I don’t even know at this point.

Now that she knows for sure who he is, everything is totally cool. She kicks her shoes off and sits on the bed with him (bachelor’s don’t have chairs). Everything is totally not sexual and totally safe. It’s made obvious because he is leaning back, stretching out and relaxing. Not tensely perched ready to pounce on her. Not that she’d mind, heh heh the plump little minx.

Anyway, they can’t have sex yet. He needs to save her again so she knows he is a real man and she can keep not being slutty. Que bad guys!

Then there is more rescuing, but she is unconscious to she misses it all. Her state of unconsciousness gives us all another chance to see what a good person he is though, because while he really wants to take her bra off so she can breath better, he doesn’t touch her.

Mr. Beardy is a gentleman, because girls are weird about having their clothes fucked with when they are passed out. He piles a bunch of coats on her so they are both safe from the temptation. Really?

How hard is it not to sexually assault someone when they are unconscious? If the standard for male goodness is not sexually assaulting unconscious women, we need to raise our standards.

 

He takes her to a luxury hotel. Not assaulting her once along the way.

She wakes up happy to find herself safe and not raped. She is so glad he saved her. He is so glad her face is pretty and she’s got big boobs, but he has a past. He’s done bad things. Will he still get to see her boobs after she’s learned that he really is bad?

The suspense of this was totally killing me while I was reading. No. No it wasn’t. The shit I suffer through for this blog. 

He confesses his sins. He’s killed. It was a righteous killing, so totally forgivable. Just in case she still wasn’t sure she should have sex with him, his evil twin breaks into their room and points a gun at them. Mr. Beardy handles it like a pro, because he is. He’s trained with some Asian dude he met in the streets. He promptly calls the police, because you can do that when you are a rich white guy.

The police come. She has to explain why Evil Twin is handcuffed, because heaven forbid it is implied anywhere that she might be a little kinky. She is a badass P.I. one of the few acceptable reasons for a unwed woman to be carrying handcuffs. She is innocent and pure like all single women should be.

They finally get to sexy time.

She is nervous. It’s understandable. So she hides in the bathroom, freshening up, ditching her yucky wet panties (heavy petting has consequences like reminding you not to be a such a slut), and giving herself a pep talk. She showers, puts her clothes back on, minus the sin panties, and finally comes out of the bathroom.

They finally get to sexy time.

She lets her big girls out. Which is a polite way of saying fat lady lumps. He drops trow. She nearly faints over the size of his junk. This always makes me imagine dudes modeling whale penises. She is a virgin and giant penises are scary.

She won’t let him take her pants of, because there is no way a guy can know how pants work on fat girls. Removing tight jeans from your fat ass takes practice and skill. So she flops around on the bed like some sort of insane worm.

They finally get to the sexy time.

It’s a quick slam. Wham bam. I love you ma’am. Merry me. I’m sticking a baby in you right fucking now. Have this ethically sourced diamond I’ve been hiding in my shoe or where ever rich dudes that have been slumming it hid their diamonds.

Her body shame is instantly forgotten because a man has just validated her. He proposed so she is safe from the slut shaming she’s been working so hard to avoid. He is rich so she can stay home and be a good proper baby machine.

Lady life goals: Check!

This post feels like some rambling rant, but I had such a hard time with this story. I feel it is important that when we read romances or smut or fairy tales, we can be critical of them and recognise the sexist nonsence they  (not all, but most) promote.

 

Aphrodite: Your body is not his temple.

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Goddesses, Uncategorized

Aphrodite. The goddess of love. The standard for female beauty. Adulteress jealous slut.
 
At least that is what some of her stories would have us believe.
 
She is the unattainable standard of beauty that women must strive for. Aphrodite is example of how the patriarchy will try to control and shame you for not playing by their rules.
 
Be her in the ways men find pleasing. Don’t be like her in ways they don’t.
 
They tell us she is silly, air headed, shallow and vain.  Women are silly, air headed, shallow and vain.  Brainless fuck toys.
 
When I read her stories, I see a women who refused to be bound by patriarchal rule. Aphrodite gives zero fucks about what anyone thought and stood in her power. A power so strong that the patriarchy is still trying to bind her, control her and strip away that power.
 
Aphrodite is a woman who continues to be herself no matter what the patriarchy tries to do to her.  She owns her sexualality. Even though Zeus (patriarchy) tries to take that from her through a forced marriage.
 
The harder the patriarchy works to control, shame, or disempower a goddess, it’s a sign of how powerful she is.
 
There is nothing wrong with being a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to get it. Confidence is sexy. Loving the fuck out of what you love is sexy. It’s part of Aphrodite’s message to us.
 

Lessons from Aphrodite:

 
Your body is your is own. This can seem like a strange idea in a society in which women’s bodies are props to be used by others. It is easy to disassociate from our bodies and the things that happen to them. Sometimes we need to do that to survive, but we can’t thrive that way. You are meant to thrive. 
 
Embrace your desires. We are taught that female desire is wrong and dirty. That desire is only something men should feel. We should inspire desire in men and be ashamed of doing something so sinful at the same time.  Desire, whether it is sexual or spiritual is guide post. It’s what makes Captain Jack Sparrow’s compass work and gets everyone where they are going.  There is no shame in that. 
 
Enjoy the physical. We have these amazing physical bodies and we work so hard to deny ourselves pleasure. A women reveling in pleasure is a powerful thing. Earth shaking. And no matter what shape our bodies come in, we all deserve to experience pleasure. Find something/someone that makes you feel good. 
 
What pleasures are you denying yourself?
What desire have you been ignoring?
How have you loved your body lately?

The shedding of a skin.

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Uncategorized

The Myth Project, this blog, and every thing that will follow it, begins with the shedding of a skin.

It’s a too small poorly fitting skin that grows around a girl like a strange armor. It’s supposed to shield her and keep her safe, but it crushes her under its weight. It’s useless against words, fists and all the things she has been told it will protect her from.

It is only good at protecting her from her own power. Her own strength. Her own magick.

Here I shed this skin. Not in one long perfect piece like snakes sometimes do, but in little bits burned away here and there over the years.

The Myth Project is something that has been haunting me for a long time. I have done my best to ignore it.

When you do intuitive work and regularly speak with Spirits, it gets really difficult to ignore a group of goddesses demanding your attention.

I tried my best to ignore them.

To drown out their whispering, I yelled excuses. I told myself all the reasons why I wasn’t good enough for this work. It worked for a while, but the discord it caused was painful.

So I’m beginning this work. Work that I don’t have any special education in. Work that feels so overwhelming and over my head that it scares me.

Through this project I plan to explore the ways in which The Patriarchy has used and continues to use stories, myths, and fairy tales to dig it’s hooks deep into us and trick us into believing abuse is love.

It shows itself in stories of goddess who were ‘good’ or ‘bad’ based on how well the towed the Patriarchal line. It’s in fairy tales that teach girls that to be good is to bow down to the Patriarchy or be evil. It’s in the way modern romance fiction pass of abuse as true love.  It teaches boys that girls are prizes to be taken and owned.

This has to change. We can not create the world we wish to when we are still telling stories that support the oppression of women (and men).

 

The Manifestation Shame Game: Feelings

Posted Leave a commentPosted in New Age Wank, Sacred & Feral

The other day a quote from a coach came across my FaceBook feed and really pissed me off. This is what normally happens with most Law of Attraction or Manifesting teachings I come across. I don’t have problems with LOA in itself, just with the way it is being taught by most people.

“Your life is a manifestation of how you feel.”

If you feel good, you have a good life. Feel bad, have a bad life. Feel wealthy, be wealthy. Feel poor, be poor.

When I read things like this it bugs the shit out of me. It’s full of shaming and guilt tripping. It doesn’t take into account that our lives have other people in them or people that we will never meet can have huge impacts on our lives.

I’m totally into taking responsibility for your life. Take responsibility for your feelings and learn to deal with them in actually healthy ways. You don’t have to take responsibility for other people or how the deal with their feelings.

Since this quote is about feelings, it shames us for having ‘negative’ feelings. Feelings that are labeled as negative are totally normal and an important part of our experience. They need to be felt, dealt with, and healed. Not ignored. Not be used at a tool to shame us into feeling worse.

Then there is the implied notion that your income level is based on how you feel. (A lot of manifestation teachings focus on money.)

You are poor because you feel poor, not because of society and culture.

Fucking seriously? Please go tell a homeless person they just need to stop feeling homeless. Or a mother struggling to support her family with her minimum wage job that she is only broke because she feels broke. It doesn’t have anything to do with systematic bull shit.

I’m not saying that a struggling mother doesn’t have things that she can feel abundant about. She can feel an abundance of love for her family, but that doesn’t change how shaming and damaging teaching LOA and manifesting in this way can be.

None of these things may have entered the author of this quote mind when she wrote it. That in itself is part of the problem with many LOA teachings. It’s thoughtless harm dressed up as something healing.

I struggle to pay my bills and buy food for my family every month. This has nothing to do with the way I feel and a lot to do with the fact I’ve been unexpectedly forced to care for my mom and pay all of her expenses. This quote would have me believe that my life is currently this way because of something I felt.

My feelings lead to my mom getting sick and moving in with us. How shitty is that?

I don’t believe that and I’m certainly not going to promote/share/teach that kind of thinking to anyone else. Maybe I need to write a book on manifesting without being a total asshole.

 

Another White Woman does some White Woman shit.

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Sacred & Feral

Today I read an article, The Faceless: On Whiteness & Emotional Assassination, written by a women who’ve I’ve had the the pleasure of witnessing her journey. The article was eye opening, saddening, but not at all surprising.

It never is surprising when a POC writes about their hurtful experiences with Whiteness.

There is a strong theme of White Women in business either using a layer of social justice or spirituality to profit from POCs.

Sometimes they do this in a very blatant way with headdresses, smudge sticks and LOA. Sometimes you don’t know how harmful they are being until they need to chose between their PR & doing real work. It’s a fine line for those of us who benefit from White Supremacy to find mentors/coaches/supporters who are doing real work, but it’s a fucking mind field for POCs.

You find someone who is doing some awesome work and they let you down the moment their profit margins or gleaming white image might be harmed.

It’s fucking bullshit.

I’m so sick of my fellow humans being stood on and carved up in the name of White Woman Rebellion or Spirituality.

It makes me feel like an asshole, because I supported this WW’s work. I bought it. I shared it. I believed her to be different. I feel betrayed.

This isn’t about me in that way though. It is about me in that, I must do better. I can’t allow myself to follow in her footsteps. I must make sure I’m using my White Privilege as a sledge hammer against the system that gives me that privilege.

I won’t be perfect in this. I’ll make mistakes. And then I’ll have to do better.

Let’s mix a Love Potion without the sexist wank!

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Sacred & Feral

Last year-ish Aphrodite started popping up for me everywhere.

She isn’t a goddess I normally work with.

At first I thought she was only bringing my attention to the patriarchal wank in the stories we have about her, but the more I listened the more I realized she was talking about more than her story.

I started writing about abusive themes in romance/erotica. I wondered how I could improve my fiction writing and stay out of those traps.

Outside of writing some steamy fiction, I don’t pay much attention to relationship work. I’m a very detached sort of person, which made it seem even more strange that Aphrodite would be tapping me on the shoulder.

I tried to play it off as my imagination, that I was reading more into things than was really there.

She persisted. She has shown me so many ways the patriarchy is fucking up our relationships and how we keep passing this fuckery on as normal loving behavior.

This is weird for me. I’m the kind of person who gives zero fucks if people like or love me.

Even if I like you, I’m not going to jump through hoops to be your bestie. I won’t call you on the phone. You’ll be lucky if I text you once a year without you texting me first. I don’t want to go shopping. I don’t want to go out for drinks. I don’t want you coming to my house. No matter how much I love you.

So Aphrodite scratching at the inside of my brain about relationship shit, is confusing to me, but she won’t let me go.

I haven’t dated. I’ve been with the same man for over half my life. What the hell do I know about dating? Fuck all. That’s what.

Since I started my research project, I’ve come across some pretty fucked up dating advice in New Age spiritual circles. It’s sexist Pick Up Artist Wank wrapped in crystal moonbeams. I didn’t set out to find relationship stuff, but this shit will not stop finding me.

I’d like to do an experiment around dating, relationships and connecting with awesome people. If you are a single person who is looking for connections or someone who would like to deepen the connections they have, I invite you to come join me around my cauldron.  Email me or hit me up on Facebook.

I can’t say what this experiment will look like, but I truly believe that we can do better than manipulative fuck puppet Pick Up Artists.